No Cheating No Dying. I Had A Good
Marriage. Then I Tried to Make it Better by Elizabeth Weil is a marriage memoir, the story of
one couples sojourn into the land of marriage enrichment programs and
therapies. Like a therapy travelogue, this
is a great book for couples who are thinking about heading down the path
towards marriage improvement and are unsure where to start. Elizabeth and her husband Dan try a
smorgasbord of options and their dialogue and observations as they tip-toe into
each new experiences are nothing less than hilarious and refreshing.
Take their
highly regarded, psychoanalytically oriented marriage therapist who does
therapy in a reclining lawn chair due to her bad back and reminds Dan of
Stephen Hawking. Her initial comment
that they need to find a problem and not just focus on their strengths leaves
me scratching my head and thinking that’s a titch arrogant but overall the
therapist makes interventions that I
think are pretty good,. As the
couple leaves their first session, I find myself thinking they’re going to dump
her for sure.
Liz and
Dan’s reactions to the marriage gurus who they encounter on their journey,
“What the f-- kind of name is
Harville?”are heartwarmingly authentic in a field where everyone takes
themselves terribly seriously and assumes they have found the one true
way. By the way that would be Harville
Hendricks, of course. You could safely
refer to him as a marriage guru.
A glimpse
inside the heads of Liz and Dan as they leave their sessions provides a little
humility for seasoned professionals like me who can’t actually read people’s
minds as they are leaving our offices.
Other pilgrims on the road to marital betterment will surely be able to
relate to Liz and Dan’s reactions to the therapists, educational groups and
self help efforts along the way.
The glimpse
into their marriage while be comforting to couples who are wondering if they are
the only ones with issues. Liz shares
the heartbreak that reverberates through their marriage with the loss of their
baby, as well as their joys, struggles and eccentricities. Most importantly, you see transformation
begin to take place in their marriage as they begin to experience the other
person’s perspective, to give-up their hard fought realities and put themselves
in the other person’s moccasins, so to speak. They stayed in marriage therapy
after all.
