Wednesday, March 7, 2012

How Not to Find a Couples Therapist

Elizabeth Weil revealed a dirty little secret in her article Three's A Crowd in this past Sunday's New York Times. The secret which is pushed back in the recesses of most seasoned therapist's consciousness goes something like this most therapists are intimidated by couples therapy. There I said it. To quote her quote by Richard Simon editor of Psychotherapy Networker, "It is widely acknowledged that couples therapy is the most challenging." Mon Dieu! No wonder there are so many unsatisfied former marriage therapy customers running around. Marriage therapy is a very tough treatment modality and lots of therapists are not comfortable with it.

Lest I do her essay an injustice, read it for yourself. Here's the link. Or go back and read it later.

There are however a few of us ripe and seasoned therapists kicking around who by virtue of professional and personal experience love marriage therapy, are not remotely intimidated by squabbling couples and, in my case, feel as proud as a mother hen when couples report greater intimacy and peace in their home. It does happen as an outcome of marriage therapy.

Given that marital therapy is a very complex treatment modality and given that therapists are coming out of the closet and admitting they are "intimidated" by marital therapy, finding a competent marital therapist requires a specialized search. Do not. I repeat do not pick a marital therapist off of your insurance panel just because you will only have to pay a $25 co-pay. Randomly picking a marriage therapist off a list is a bad idea. Your marriage is a precious investment. I always tell my clients that I am a lot cheaper then a divorce attorney - I don't mention by more then 50% from a low end divorce attorney but that is also true. If you want to save time and money pick someone who knows what they're doing.

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