Tuesday, June 26, 2012


     Want to watch a marriage transform?  Watch the Lifetime TV show Seven Days of Sex.  When I  heard about the show, I thought to myself great another tacky reality TV show. The last thing I want to do is spend my time watching any reality TV show, much less the tacky ones.  My husband (wouldn't you know) wanted to see it and I thought given my line of work, I should keep an open mind.

     I have seen about four couples on this series undertake this exercise of having sex for seven consecutive days. By the way, the TV show is  remarkably tasteful.  There is no skin shown. When it's time for the couples to do what they've signed up to do, the bedroom door closes. Nothing elicit or tawdry,

    At the beginning of the week,  some of these couples are snarly and surly.  They are resistant and mean.  You might say they are totally not in the mood. By the end of the week, they are giggling with one another and purring like kittens. The couples who were spitting nails and one another at the beginning of the week are renewing their vows with tears in their eyes. It is a very credible journey and a testament to the power of sex to jump start a marriage.  

Thursday, June 21, 2012


YOW...now that's really random you may be saying to yourself.  What does sarcasm have to do with the subject of marriage?
     Far be it from me to keep you guessing.
     Sarcasm is generally bad for marriages.  My understanding is that it is from the Latin word meaning tear flesh. It is an efficient way to express anger and possibly even amusing, but efficiency and wisdom are often unrelated.
     Generally, sarcasm will hurt your spouses feelings and piss them off.  If they are not the picture of maturity they may retaliate and lash back and then you are off to the races.
     Anger is a totally valid and legitimate feeling.  It is appropriate and helpful to express your angry feelings in marriage.  Take down your shield.  It hurt my feelings when you....will get you a lot closer to resolving your angry feelings then a pithy, sarcastic statement. An empathic spouse will be able to respond to your expression of hurt and vulnerability. You may even get a sorry somewhere along the line.
     I know  words like that hurt me when... may sound foreign to lots of you. It may sound contrived or like something you read in a self-help book or, perish the thought, marital therapy blog. But they do work.
      Sarcasm, although not identical, is a kissing cousin of contempt. And anyone who has ever been in marital therapy or read John Gottman, marriage researcher and most-likely to be quoted by your marriage therapist author,knows contempt in a marriage is a very bad thing. In fact it is  a predictable foreshadowing of divorce. You don't want to go there.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


So, if you are still checking in on this blog, you may be wondering where the heck I have been. The answer would be that I have been musing...on what subject to write about next.  What subject is profound and worthy of discussion? Sex, sarcasm, gratitude and more on infidelity are subjects that have been swirling through my mind.  I got one nice note from a reader telling me that my posts were funny and please keep posting....that inspired me...like a true therapist to invite you to send me a quick comment about any subject you would like me to address.  I promise to comment. The comments that I receive are anonymous and I promise to respond in a way that respects your anonymity.  That should be easy to do since as far as I know I won't know who you are.  Don't worry, I will keep sending out my random musings with or without questions.  In fact, I will randomly muse in  my very next posting. Look forward to hearing from you.