Thursday, June 21, 2012

SARCASM that's really random you may be saying to yourself.  What does sarcasm have to do with the subject of marriage?
     Far be it from me to keep you guessing.
     Sarcasm is generally bad for marriages.  My understanding is that it is from the Latin word meaning tear flesh. It is an efficient way to express anger and possibly even amusing, but efficiency and wisdom are often unrelated.
     Generally, sarcasm will hurt your spouses feelings and piss them off.  If they are not the picture of maturity they may retaliate and lash back and then you are off to the races.
     Anger is a totally valid and legitimate feeling.  It is appropriate and helpful to express your angry feelings in marriage.  Take down your shield.  It hurt my feelings when you....will get you a lot closer to resolving your angry feelings then a pithy, sarcastic statement. An empathic spouse will be able to respond to your expression of hurt and vulnerability. You may even get a sorry somewhere along the line.
     I know  words like that hurt me when... may sound foreign to lots of you. It may sound contrived or like something you read in a self-help book or, perish the thought, marital therapy blog. But they do work.
      Sarcasm, although not identical, is a kissing cousin of contempt. And anyone who has ever been in marital therapy or read John Gottman, marriage researcher and most-likely to be quoted by your marriage therapist author,knows contempt in a marriage is a very bad thing. In fact it is  a predictable foreshadowing of divorce. You don't want to go there.

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