Infidelity is a painful issue to write about, and pulverizing to live through. It is a heartbreak beyond a heartbreak. It is the ultimate betrayal. But, it is survivable.
This is a nightmare that I have lived through with couples many times. There are things you can do that help.
If you have been unfaithful to your spouse and you want to reconcile, I have found that full disclosure works best. It may seem counter-intuitive but in my experience spouses who have been betrayed find solace and hearing all the details. Don't stop reading. I can't fully explain, but they do. Their fantasies are undoubtedly worse then the actual facts. Cheated on spouses know on a global sense that they have been betrayed. It is much better, generally, and in my experience to connect the dots and give them the whole truth.
If you don't disclose at least the fact of the affair, your marriage, for all practical purposes goes on hold. You may stay together under the same roof, in the same bed but a lie about an affair is the beginning of the death of a marriage. And filling in the details is oddly comforting to the spouse who has been cheated on. After the whole truth is out on the table, forgiveness can begin. More to follow.
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