Money 101

Money and marriage...or is it marriage and money? You've heard all the warnings about how struggles about money are the root of all evil in marriage leading down the slippery slope to divorce court.

I'm not entirely sure that is true but I am glad to share what I have learned on my journey as a marriage therapist and, in my civilian life as a married person.

I'll start with the basics. Money in the here and now - real time, as they say. Not money as a symbolic and perhaps unconscious way to act out hostility and who knows what else but just plain old money issues.

First of all, consensus is great when it comes to spending money in marriage. I would say, when in doubt, check in with your spouse before spending money. It will earn you currency in your marital emotional bank. Take out your cell phone and call. Honey, I'm thinking of buying a $200 pair of shoes. I really need them so my chiropractor won't scoff at me for wearing such crappy shoes which make my back ache and then I am snarly at home. I know they're a lot of money but I think they will be a great investment. Okay with you? How could anyone say no to such a heartfelt and reasonable request? It is always good politics not to mention thoughtful and reasonable to check in with your spouse before you make a large-ish purchase. There's lots more to be said on the subject of marriage and money but I think this is a pretty good over arching principle to start out with. When in doubt, check in with your spouse before you spend.